i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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