Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
