You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
