if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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