I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
