Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
