Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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