Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
