yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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