Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
