i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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