so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
