Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
