im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
