When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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