I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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