i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
