New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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