spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How's work?
Spinning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
