He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
