Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
