What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
