We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
