Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I party with great urgency now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
