Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
