Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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