i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
