I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
