So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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