did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize