haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
do nipples grow back?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
