My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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