why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
