there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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