i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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