I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
