She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
