Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
