Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize