We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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