let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
