why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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