I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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