He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
