awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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