Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize