you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
