Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Damn victory sex feels great
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
