Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
