Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
