I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
