Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
