no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
