I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
