Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
