I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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