So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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