glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
operation have a gay friend backfired
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
