Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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