her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
