what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
