Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
