MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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