Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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