i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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