i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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