all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
