her vagine was all disorganized.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
