Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i will never coherently bang her
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
