how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
