I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
