somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
