Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
