Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
