i just wanna soil my oats bro
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
