my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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