doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
