In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
